i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
