Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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