So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
