you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
