if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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