oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
