We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
