Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
