I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
