Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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