I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
