PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
