..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
