Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
