What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
