Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
