she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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