I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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