Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
