i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wish i was in the wii world.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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