Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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