Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
