im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
