Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
