batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
