i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
