Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
