Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
