There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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