didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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