Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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