Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
