I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
