Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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