What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
