I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
