end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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