Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
