don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
