I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
