i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
