I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
