i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
