Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
