He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Green mimosas i think yes
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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