yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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