driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dicks are not precious.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
