Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
