I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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