Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
